for special torture I was crying myself awake reading
our former beauty
the union we had and showed in letters dancing across the screen

and I remembered the first time you said you loved me
the way it made me feel
you can’t imagine
it was in this way
a way that you can’t imagine

for the explosive mixture
of heartache and desire
I was fingering pages that emanated our last forever
teasing the scent of then back into my soul

a physical pain remembering
how much I love you

I mean loved
Remembering
how much I loved
loved
love
you.

Which of course made me think of the first time you said you loved me
the way it made me feel
you can’t imagine
it was in this way
a way that you can’t imagine

I’m so petrified that you’re watching me more closely than you say you are
That you’ll come upon this token of my blood’s love-drunk pledge to you
And call me with counseling words of how we can never be
Asking me why I can’t see that we’d never go far
But I can’t help it

because I love you
in this way
that
you
can’t imagine.

the way I love you
you can’t imagine it
you couldn’t comprehend
wish dream or
imagine it

“I love you in a way you can’t imagine.”