for special torture I was crying myself awake reading our former beauty the union we had and showed in letters dancing across the screen and I remembered the first time you said you loved me the way it made me feel you can’t imagine it was in this way a way that you can’t imagine for the explosive mixture of heartache and desire I was fingering pages that emanated our last forever teasing the scent of then back into my soul a physical pain remembering how much I love you I mean loved Remembering how much I loved loved love you. Which of course made me think of the first time you said you loved me the way it made me feel you can’t imagine it was in this way a way that you can’t imagine I’m so petrified that you’re watching me more closely than you say you are That you’ll come upon this token of my blood’s love-drunk pledge to you And call me with counseling words of how we can never be Asking me why I can’t see that we’d never go far But I can’t help it because I love you in this way that you can’t imagine. the way I love you you can’t imagine it you couldn’t comprehend wish dream or imagine it “I love you in a way you can’t imagine.”