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Biopsy Hilarity Part 3- The Not-opsy

You look like a new person- hi there! Thanks for reading. This site is where I vent about having an invisible disability as well as cancer. Please consider sharing this post because it’s really helpful in my shift to a writing career. Welcome back! Please tell share this post or consider buying me a cup of coffee because it will help me continue to pay bills while I shift to a part time writing career.Here’s Biopsy Hilarity pt one & pt 2 if you haven’t read them yet. Also? This is extraordinarily not safe for work. So. Yeah. How do I start this…. Well first I should explain what I mean by Not-opsy. The procedure we’re about to talk about was not a biopsy. It was Hilarity indeed. At my expense by miles. But despite not being a biopsy, the hilarity makes it go with this series. It is the season finale, as it were. via GIPHY Toward the end of having cancer, you get to go through the whole PET/CT scan, heart check, stage again followed by lots of fun procedures as necessary. The first thing we found out, was that while my body was having tons of fun having the cancer poisoned out of it? I had a bunch of traitor-ass mark-ass snitch-ass tumors in my uterus. To see what kind of awesomeness was up in me, they were going to have to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Having spent practically a year of my life constantly on Google, I wasn’t

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Biopsy Hilarity Part Two. No, for real.

(Of course I’ve been writing this post for over a month. But the as-it-happens present tense seems to work best for the retelling. Hope you enjoy! Here’s Biopsy Hilarity part one if you haven’t read it yet.) Biopsy Hilarity Two – now with boob needles Today I learned that they can push a needle into your lung through your favorite boob and no one will get arrested or anything. Yep, it’s finally time for me to get the lung biopsy. I have been waiting 5 months for it to be appropriate to investigate at this level again, and a month for the appointed day to actually arrive. Normally I’ve only had to wait a week at the most. So I’ve been sitting here like, good morning probably cancerous tumor who is doing the hustle behind my boob. How’s about you fucks off? So we go to the damn place, the outpatient surgery center at Doctor’s Community Hospital (DCH). Before we go on, one thing I have to say in favor of DCH (that’s a thing now. A chick is tired.) is that they are some friendly mofos. Whether that’s appropriate at 6:30 in the actual ass crack of dawn, is another discussion entirely. Who the fuck is happy as shit, at work, at dawn? Unless they’re getting off work? Still, Less pissed-off this biopsy around I guess I should be glad that they aren’t being mean to me. And that the frequent flier miles I have racked up are adding up to

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