Change makes me drop all my spoons: learning self-worth
As a spoonie, I’ve come to expect and accept change. I freely admit that I hate change. I’ve always hated it. It stresses me out. Stress makes my sickness worse. I hate everything that makes my illnesses worse. via GIPHY But somehow, I’ve turned my freakout timeline from months down to days. I need to vent and cuss to cope. It drives my friends nuts I bet. But I cope. As an example… Here’s just my most major life changing events of the last 5 years. 2012. Had severe bacterial pneumonia. Was supposed to die. Epic fail at dying cuz hi. Still here. via GIPHY 2013. Had to sell the last family house. Still 2014. My sister & her two sets of twins under ten moved into the townhouse my brother & I lived in. via GIPHY 2015. My sister, her twins, my Mom & I all moved into a single family home. One that I didn’t care for. Still 2015. I thought my spoonie illnesses were escalating because I was always exhausted. Couldn’t handle my workload & had to outsource. Turns out I had cancer. January 2016. Formally diagnosed with CLL, technically a type of Leukemia, but treated as a Lymphoma. via GIPHY March 2016. Diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis during months of pre-cancer screening, poking & prodding. Added to it the list of my ailments: asthma, anemia, spinal degenerative disorder, nerve damage/neuralgia, chronic cancer, chronic migraines. April 2016. Started six months of chemotherapy and related infusions. via GIPHY May