I Know What I am Afraid Of | Part Two
I am so good at being in love that I’m afraid of being in love. Because I had this idea in my head that love ends. For the longest time, I built my business as a distraction from heartache. Somehow it became my built-in barrier to falling in love. And of course it doesn’t have to be, because I can technically work anywhere. Then one day, my heart broken particularly harshly, with someone I was passionately close to, whose growth as an artist I groomed, went to visit a lover I didn’t know about on our company money, and fell in love with her. On a weekend when I was really sick, immobile in bed sick. And yeah, then he stole a bunch of my stuff from the place we were staying in together. While I helplessly watched. Clllllllllassy. I sure can pick ’em, right? But that’s the thing. I can pick ’em. This guy wasn’t all bad, in fact, he wasn’t bad most of the relationship – it was almost like he curdled, like spoiled milk. And this is why, even though I yearn to love, I’m also AFRAID to love. It’s not the heartache and pain that’s possible when you risk it all. It’s that I never want it to end in flat-out Betrayal again. Because of some of the things that happened during my youth, I have a huge problem with someone betraying me. I don’t mind so much losing a man to someone else. I do