Practice saying “I Have Cancer.”
I haven’t been able to say it out loud yet “I have cancer.” I say that I have Lymphoma. As if I don’t say it out loud, I can keep this secret from my body that it already knows? Of course now I have to say that I have Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL)/Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma(SLL), formerly two diseases that are now treated as one. And then explain that despite the word Leukemia, CLL is considered a non-Hodkins Lymphoma. And that’s after I’m done comforting the people I tell. How do you tell people you have cancer? No seriously, I’m asking you. The way I’m telling people is not working. Maybe it’s because I have an instinct to try and take care of people. I like to lead with words like “early” and “treatable” as those were the words that were given to me. Most responses fall into three general categories. “You’re gonna die but let’s pretend we don’t believe that and pray” I truly don’t give a crap whether someone thinks a person of data and science like myself is crazy for believing in Jesus. You believe in Love and marriage or breeding or R & B or chocolates on Valentine’s Day. I believe in Jesus. Honestly, BFD. That said, sometimes I understand why my fellow believers who chose to express themselves in the holy roller way are losing people. Can we please have one big prayer meeting at my house? Even monthly, I could do that. Instead of all of