Okay. The guy I was seeing early last year (and am thinking of seeing again) is really good at… you know. THAT.

I mean. He’s really, really good.

I mean, Legendary.

I mean, he’s probably the first guy I’ve been with who is better at sex than I am. Because that was normally some type of problem, no matter what. Either I wanted it “too often” (harlot!), or he was so lousy at it that I didn’t want it enough. Or I’d get “close”– so as long as I was in love with him, I’d excuse his shortcomings in that area.

Ladies.

You know what I”m talking about.

Men. It’s not that women confuse sex with love. Not enough women are having orgasms on a regular basis in order to confuse sex with love.

If it seems that way it’s because we’re trying to use fake orgasms to train you into giving us real ones. We also have to fall back on the emotional closeness the physical closeness can often mesh into JUST to keep ourselves having sex with you.

Now, guys, I’m not saying it’s all of you who suck in bed. But if only a third, at best, of women have regular orgasms, and all the women you know seem to have them, the math doesn’t add up somehwere.

Besides, if you do suck, it’s our fault.

That’s right ladies. I said it’s OUR fault. Why? Because faking it to make it doesn’t work, at least not the way we do it. We fake it because we’re sleepy and we want to get it over with already. Which leads to what – more of the same next time?

We fake it because he just sucks, and we’re hoping that encouragement at the point when he was doing what we wanted will make it better. Which leads to what – yes, you got it. More of the same. Again.

We fake it because he’s ALMOST there. But he’s been almost so long that we’re satisfied with the effort. Which gets him to take use ALMOST there again the next time.

So what do I propose?

Un-faking it.

When you’re getting a guy to court you, too much interest always scares them away. (I’m not saying that some men are big babies who are scared of even the slightest show of interest that could lead to some type of commitment. Or that when we’re the ones who are commitment-phobes, the guy is behaving like a stalker. But I can think it really loud.)

So maybe less is more, and we shouldn’t be faking pleasure when we’re not having it. Maybe we should be faking not having pleasure when we are. I’ve found that men really want to please women they care about.

And it can’t be that it’s not possible. It just can’t. When we’re…. by ourselves… it takes 3 or 4 minutes to get where we’re going. Ten if we really draw it out to have a Super-O.

I also plan on getting that G-spot Amplification surgery. I heard about it on Nip/Tuck, then on Cashmere Mafia, then I saw two women on one of those doctor talk shows SWEAR by it.

I already have easier climaxes than most women, but with this— I just wonder sometimes, if we had sexual experiences that were as fulfilling as men, how would it affect dating and how we move in the world?

Oh, and ladies, we’re not off the hook for being great lovers. I’ll be writing a follow-up piece on whether we’re good lovers or just attractive receivers, as far as men are concerned.