my dearest lover,
i love you with all my heart
even as i know how foolish that is
i cannot help what i feel within
i hate myself for needing you
sometimes
but that is the truth
your touch penetrates my mind and my skin
if only you would not destroy the beauty you find
if only you could not see it as a threat that i have a mind
and yet i love so much the part of you i contribute to
and i love so much the part of me that is in you
and i pay with my life in choosing to stay
despite the fact that your heart constantly strays.
one day you love me, the next you don’t
leaving me nearly barren of hope
then i look back to your beginning and check your foundation
i’m so convinced you could one day reach your intended destination.
i believe in you
despite when you hit me and bloody my face
despite the way you treat me with such disgrace
and everyone thinks i’m crazy for remaining
maybe they are right
though they never ask me why i’m maintaining
though i appear to be losing this fight
still i pledge my heart to the potential of you
though you often make me cry with the things that you do
but i can see that the best of you is as good/ as the rest of you is bad
you make my heart sing when i see what you’ve brought together here
but it hurts me that you would kill what can make you stronger my dear
oh the times you touch my heart so deeply
i treasure how you can often inspire unity
i remember the promises of joy you made to me
and sometimes i’m sure i’ll see them become reality
then you told cold and reject the adoration i give
and beat me so badly i’m lucky i live
your hold on me is confounding
the unfairness of your treatment makes me feel like i’m drowning
but i know that one day you’ll love me- it’s inevitable
i am part of you, we must be together.
i can remember when you made those lovely promises to me
when you said you’d help me get an education, a job, even scholarship money
i remember the sixties and seventies, lover
we finally started getting to know each other
when we started to be like sweethearts
i accepted your politics
you respected my art
then we had that awful fight/ which seemed to last 30 years
all i did was speak the truth to you/ and reveal my deepest fears
now the only constant remnant of that time is my tears
i would leave you forever
but every now and then
i see of the glimpse of the one who made
that honorable pledge
to return to me everything you’d taken away
and i think maybe we’ll see eye to eye one day
other times you say if i left i’d be a nothing, and lonely
but then why did you force me into this unholy matrimony?
you can’t hate me as much as you say
though when i threaten to be on my way
you say you don’t care
offer to help me pack my bags and pay my airfare
so mostly
i suppose
i stay out of defiance to you
i stay to show you that no matter how many times you knock me down, i’ll still get back up
i stay because i earned the right to be here
i stay because this house is mine too
i stay because if anyone should leave, it should be you
i stay for the children
so, amerika
you might not love me
but i love you
or at least what you’re supposed to be
and
one day
somehow
you’ll keep your word to me…