There are definitely days when I push too hard.
And I have had a cold or a flu going on 8 weeks now, back to back.
Plus I still have the ringing in my right ear that is allegedly due to being even more anemic than I already was, from the cancer treatments.
But.
I’m starting to feel like myself again.
The evidence?
- I can hold my water – every time I go isn’t an emergency anymore. This was very upsetting for when I would first wake up and couldn’t bound out of bed.
- I need less and less rest after normal activities.
- I can stand up in the shower – the whole time! God, I missed that.
- Not only can I cook a simple meal, I can do it two days in a row. Sure, one night it’s eggs to go with plantains and the next night it’s just tacos. But from barely being able to heat up food in the microwave to cooking feels like day and night.
- I can work two full workdays instead of one! Most weeks! If I don’t go out.
- My body is getting stronger in lots of little ways.
- Here’s a weird one: my pee changed back to its original near-clear color LOL. Believe me I drink a shit-ton of water, and did all through cancer. When I couldn’t stand filtered water, I drank flavored sparkling water. Otherwise my mouth was unbearably dry. But during cancer, my pee was neon yellow. It’s very disconcerting, even though you know it’s because the chemicals are passing out of your body and cells.
- I have pep sometimes. Not just occasional normal-people strength and stamina for an hour or so- PEP. It’s as if a light went out inside me and I’m just noticing it was out now that it’s back on.
- I have good moods that last several days- almost a week straight this last time. This is kind of a big deal.
I smile, laugh and joke a lot to get through my chronic illnesses and cancer treatment.
But I have my moments.
Chronic pain puts me on edge already. Cancer and recovering from cancer treatment on top of it? Did not make it better.
Lately? While I still think I need to be in therapy, I’m much better than I was.
So yeah, I worry about my pain. And I still fight for the ACA, because I need it no matter how well I get.
Who knows when, if ever, I can go back to full time work.
I still have quite a ways to go. I’m pretty sure I’m not even half way.
But.
I’m coming back.