pause before the morn
i thought i’d be able to sleep to keep this charade up without contemplating but how can it end a different way if i keep on doing the same thing? still. i need the moments to stop for a minute i need to be able to savor the thought of you being serious about the things you said to me when you thought i wasn’t listening i need all the times you called me baby and honey to be real and not just what you say when you can’t remember who you’re talking to. i need to pretend that i believe i’ve convinced myself that i’m fine enough to be with you. just for a few more moments before i fall asleep i want this emotion between us that is unspoken and so real to be undeniable. i want the number of times we, two people who don’t like to stay on the phone, have spoken in the past week, to be a testament to that pull i feel that pull i know i KNOW you feel. i want those little comments you made about showering me with presents, and taking me to dinner to still be just sweet innuendo to still be possible that i misheard you i want to imagine that your calls to say good morning are meaningless i want to believe your good night messages are just polite. but tomorrow will come and i won’t be able to pretend that your gentle heart hasn’t brushed against