i have a responsibility to the word
like weeders have a reverence for the herb
…they say the sensitive do drugs
cuz we find it hard to deal with harshness
cuz it’s alien to us
cuz we are not of
this flesh world.
i am Really sensitive
and words are my drug
..a daily habit have i
craving creative conjunctions to cram
or bind together my multi-threaded thoughts
then i read back my own lines
mostly disgusted at their design
cuz i don’t want to attach my name or any alias
to any scribbles less than perfection
…not that i ever get there but i know the neighborhood…
but for real
you almost didn’t see these rhymes
i must write a line a day
but when they grow up to be poems
most times i would rather throw them away
i have to force myself to share these inadequacies
these whispers of the words i really mean
and
because of my Obsession
i will never ever see that perfection
i am fixated on these letters that spill out of my pen
much more slowly than i write
and so i spend most of my day frightened that
i won’t get to a pen or keyboard quickly enough
to catch the dust that falls off my thoughts
and forms the poem you’re reading now
…i seek the solace of the alphabet
as a baby seeks the breast of its mother
not in awe of the a to z itself
but of what comes out of them
day and night as i observe life my oxygen
is
is
is…
DAMN!
…i lost it again
and the main fear of my life
is Still writer’s block
my GOD….
what if i touch ink to paper one day and nothing comes out
what if i step to the mike to freestyle and y’all don’t feel me
what if i lose track of time when i’m answering email or showing soemone how to use their internet browser or when i’m cooking dinner or when i’m on the subway and a line pops into my head
but
i can’t find a pen
what would i do if all my fingers fell off
and i lost my voice
and my nose wasn’t pointy enough
to poke out verse on the keyboard
…i fear the loss of the conveyance of my madness everyday
so i know my joints is long
but
i’m just trying to get this voice
out of my head cuz i really don’t have any other
option
but write
and right now.