loving recklessly since 1972 | TinuStuff

Not that this is a bad thing. There’s nothing wrong with fat people. I’ve been fat people – at my sister’s wedding I was almost 300 pounds. I’m thankfully very far from that day.

But I’m not 140 pounds either.

Right now I feel like I’m not suitable for dating. And yet I am all but sure I’m going to meet my husband this year. I may not marry him this year, but if I haven’t met him, I will this year. And if I have already, this is the year he’ll propose.

Don’t ask me how I know these things. I just do. Just like I’ve known my whole life that this last year, when I turned 35, that my life would start to take a good luck streak and begin to move forward.

I say I feel fat, and I do but I also want to put this into perspective. There was a time when I was ashamed to walk around outside. Once a guy Mooed at me on the street. And what’s weird is that getting to that point, there were several places where I looked just fine.

But I believed in other people’s perceptions of me as fat and stopped loving the way I looked. And grew fatter because I thought there was no hope.

At 125 pounds.

At 145 pounds.

At 180 pounds, where I almost am, where I looked the foxiest I ever have in my entire life.

All those times, I just couldn’t get over feeling fat with my beautiful hour glass shape, huge breasts and muscular legs. It worries me when I look at my 4 month old niece and my 14 year old niece – what are their ideas going to be about their bodies?

I hope they’ll love whoever they are and stay within a healthy — not skinny — range. I plan to stay in that area once I get there, never to agree again to a standard of beauty that doesn’t include Curves.

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