Worry is reverse is simply taking the habit of worry and pondering a positive outcome to the problem instead

There’s two types, proactive and reactive. I found that if I learned to do this proactively first, it helps prevent the reactive variety. Reactive worry in reverse is a bit harder, because you must then learn to catch your thought process at that point. Proactive is preventative – you purposely call up your worry and redirect it.

For now, let’s talk about the five step process for learning proactive worry in reverse. Then, next time, I’ll let you know about how to do this reactively.

1. At the beginning or end of your day, find a quiet corner and think of something that you’re worried about. Start small. If you’re doing this along with meditation, I’m no doctor, but I advise doing so afterwards, since you’ll have to recall something negative to get to the positive part.
2. Think about the thing you’re worried about for a minute or so, and really ponder the likelihood that it could turn out as bad as you think it could.
3. Now, think about the best possible way the situation could turn out. Keep thinking “and you know what would be better than that?” until you have the best possible scenario, better than you truly think will happen in reality. I find I’m on the right track if I’m smiling.
4. Keep replaying that potential positive outcome in your head for at least ten minutes. Do whatever helps make it feel more real in your mind. Involve all your senses – say it out loud, visualize it, role play if it involves others.
5. Now, every time you think about this issue, until it is resolved, before you even get to worry, focus on the positive outcome instead.

It was really hard for me to do this at first, because I didn’t want to seem like a weak, idyllic dreamer who couldn’t deal with “reality”.

Then one day I realized that I can’t feel bad enough to make something that could be bad feel better. And, since it normally works out better than I hope, in the meantime I lose all the fun I could have been having in-between now and then.

Does this magically fix every situation that comes up? No. But it makes dealing with life easier and less stressful.

Does this mean I never worry? No. I’m still human after all. Only now, instead of worrying for days, I worry for minutes.

Then I put it in reverse. And gain back the contentment of the present. In the meantime, as I learned from a course by Dr. Robert Anthony, if I have a problem, I deal with it as best as I can in the present, or if I can’t deal with it, I stop worrying about it. Therefore, in the present moment, I really have no problem.

And that’s where I seek to remain. Worrying in reverse helps me do that.

It’s called Worry in Reverse.

Before I explain how to worry in reverse, I want to talk a little bit about worry. We all do it, and I used to be a top offender. It’s amazing how much time we humans seem to waste on an activity that changes nothing but how emotionally tortured we are about life.

Not to mention the possibility that, if our theories about the Law of Attraction are on-target at all, we could actually actively be making things worse by observing them in a negative light.

But Law of Attraction aside, what exactly does worry get us? I used to think, preparation for the worst and elimination of surprises. But never in life has the absolute worst thing I could imagine happened. Even when things went wrong, they didn’t go as badly as I pictured.

Worry just changes our mood. And think about it, even if it’s not true that your mood has bearing on the outcome of events, you’re losing two things whenever you get into a bad mood that could be avoided.

1. The potential joy of the moment.
2. Perspective.

Who wants to give away joy needlessly? Not me. Life is too short. By the time we start to get the hang of things, it’s time to pack up and ascend.

And perspective may not seem like a big deal. But don’t you always make better choices, see things more clearly, and find better opportunities for success when your mood is better?

The fact is, we have complete governance over our thoughts, if we chose to – easier said than done, but it’s still a choice.

Worry is reverse is simply taking the habit of worry and pondering a positive outcome to the problem instead. In the next, shorter article, I’ll go over some easy steps on how to do this.

photo credit: dragonflaiii

Right now in my life, I have someone who is really mad at me to the point that they won’t talk to me. The funny thing is, they’re actually angry at me over a misunderstanding. But since they aren’t speaking to me, they have no way of knowing this. Instead, this young person took some he said/she said bullshit to heart, and instead of confronting me, decided they just weren’t going to talk when I do. All this over something that would be resolved if we got all the people concerned in a room and talked for five minutes.

My reaction to this anger? To love them anyway, and shrug. If they come around, that’s great. I really love this person and value their impact in my life. If they don’t, oh well. I did the best I could. I sacrificed for them for two years in a way they’ll never know about, that I’ll never throw in their face. Does that make me a saint of some kind?

No, I’m a regular person with flaws, just like anyone else. I’ve just learned the folly of long-term anger in my life. And I’ve learned that every action you take is a choice, and I can choose not to feel defeated, guilty, angry, sad, or distanced from a person due to how they feel about me. Did I initially react with hurt? Yes. But it was for five seconds, not minutes or hours. I’m not a cold or detached person. I just realized a much deeper control over my life starts with more control over my own feelings.

They are mine. They belong to me. I can do with them as I please. I can be angry back. But the question is, does that serve me? I can be hurt and cry about it all the time – this person and I were finally becoming close again. But does that serve me? The milk is spilt. I can’t put it back in the glass. I wasn’t even the one who spilled it, and my responsibility to clean it up in the interest of maintaining the relationship expired when the other party refused to talk to me about it, or anything else.

You might be thinking, I wish I could do that. I wish I could feel less guilty, be less angry, move forward in love.

You can. We’re both here, let’s start with anger.

If someone shouts at you in anger, shouting back is a reaction. We’re taught that we’re being pussies, or punks if we don’t “stand up for ourselves”. And granted, sometimes the situation is going to call for you not to back down under any circumstances. But is the stronger choice Always to shout back? Really think about that in terms of an objective for a minute.

Let’s say it’s your spouse, and what you want from them is to answer a question to your satisfaction. You asked once politely, they answered once politely, but not to your satisfaction. You rephrase the question, and they get a little irritated in response. You rephrase again, and they respond in anger. Does a shouting match necessarily have to ensue?

No. And just because you don’t shout doesn’t mean they “won” the argument – although who really cares who “wins” as long as everyone reaches a result that works for as many parties as possible? But that’s another article.

I’ve found that the best thing to do when someone screams at me inappropriately is to pause for a bit longer than is natural, and respond the way I’d like to be addressed, Without emotionally reacting to the other person’s insult or tone of voice.

It’s not easy. And I’m not always composed enough to pull it off. But it’s extremely effective when you can swing it. So much so that your partner may use the same thing on you sometimes.

The other day, my ex-boyfriend flew off the handle at me. I let him rant for a few minutes, remained relatively stoic (outwardly) and said, “You know, I haven’t yelled, or called you any names. Nor do I want to.” I put my hand on his shoulder, gently, slowly. Touching is really connective. This is the reason why I, as a woman, used to say ” don’t touch me” when I was arguing with someone of either sex. A touch reminds me that the other person cares for me, and I didn’t want to remember that when I was mad.

Anyway, next I said, in an even-toned, slightly teasing voice, “What do you say we start over? And after we wrap this up, we can resolve whatever is really bothering you.”

He didn’t apologize, at first, but he did lower his voice, look in my eyes, and tell me what I wanted to know. Then, he told me that when I talked to him a certain way, it felt to him like I was treating him like a child. I replied that I’d make a conscious effort to stop that, and for the record, I was striving for clarity, not condescension, and that I’ve been told before that I fail miserably at my attempts to do so on occasion.

We both had a good laugh instead of a six hour fight. Cody, if you’re reading this, play your cards right and we might even get back together.

That’s just one example of how you can deal with other people’s anger.

But this is really about looking at yourself, and how you react in anger to other people.

When you’re angry at someone else, the anger can’t hurt them unless they allow it to. It won’t physically injure them, on its own, no matter what you do. Most of the time, maintaining angry feelings is hard work. You have to think about what the other person did constantly – energy you could be using to make your own life better.

Long-term Anger is an investment you can’t afford. It doesn’t pay any positive dividends, and you rarely get the result you want — which is to have your issue resolved. In fact, the majority of the time, the other party leaves the drama to you. Think back to how many times you’ve thought to yourself “they can’t stay mad forever”, or “I’ll give them some time to cool off”, or “We’ll clear up the misunderstanding later”, or “I’m right and I’m not backing down no matter what”.

Most issues can be resolved without participating in the negative health effects of anger and repressed anger. If it sounds like I’m making it that simple, that’s because it can be. There has been a time in your life when you smiled when you didn’t want to and it made you happy. There was a day that you were upset over something and watched a movie or played a video game and felt better. Loads have been lifted off your heart from venting your frustrations, and then moving on.

So write a letter about the incident, then don’t mail it.

Call up a friend and vent. Once it’s “out there”, you probably will stop caring so much, and maybe even realize you’re being silly.

And remember, your anger most likely has absolutely no effect on the other person in terms of getting what you want, the way you want it. People who care about you may preemptively do things to prevent you from being angry, yes, but once you’re angry, the motivation is far less.

Let it go.

Think about it for a while. What does anger truly get you? What is the result of anger?

photo credit: Airton kieling

I’ve been thinking a lot today about how to create the best mental foundation for the physical reality I’m in, and I was reading my Thoughts from the Universe that I’ve been missing the last 73 days. And I came across one that stresses visualization…. and you know what?

Ever since around my mid-20s, I lost a big part of my ability to visualize somehow. I think maybe when I was trying to get over some heartbreak or another, I stopped visualizing long enough for those neurons to stop firing together.

And yet? Spontaneously I sometimes can still envision things when I don’t think about it, so I know I still have the ability, just not the control. In the meantime I’ve just been practicing positive focus as worry in reverse, which has helped dramatically as well.

So. Anyway.

I realized what I need to do, and this will help me re-learn visualization. All I need to do is focus on remembering the last time I saw something that looks like what I want to have – imagination takes over from there.

For example, I start out thinking… I’d love to have a proud and peaceful moment with my mother when I see her tomorrow. And I wondered how to visualize that. I thought, hey she’ll probably look happy. And the last time I remember seeing her with a smile popped into my head!

So all I had to do was take that picture from Saturday and let my imagination adjust and expand it. Try and and let me know how it works for you.