for a second there

just a second

i was starting to think i made a mistake
starting to to think letting you in was not the smartest move

but now?
after yesterday?

i’m sure this was the right path
positive you were the right choice
i know i haven’t picked someone who was wrong for me
i know i haven’t deluded myself into another adventure with unavailability

and to think i wandered into this thinking
this was short term fun.
rather than a slow, easy journey to a new joy.

If only i could explain what you’ve done for me
just by being you
if only i could find a way to reciprocate for everything you do
at the moment, the only thing i think of
is to maintain an oral recognition
of the regal manner in which you’re fulfilling all my wishes
especially the ones I didn’t know I had.
you’re a genuine diamond
your sparkle blinds me

and from my heart to yours my lion
your shine will never go unappreciated.

if i’m not in love now,
it must be the next stop on the green line.

i’ve been avoiding the touch of your mouth to my skin
i know.
i’ve been afraid to love you because
i’ve been afraid you couldn’t love me

but after everything that was said today
i could no longer resist
much as part of me screamed for you to cease and desist
and let me languish in my fear of commitment
the pre-existing condition of our co-existence in this heaven we created
got my heart taking over with insistence that i persist in
telling myself the truth

i’m in deep with you

there isn’t anything i can do
but even better
there isn’t anything i need to

because you’re approaching me with all honesty
days have turned from seven to four to two
in which you can go without seeing me

and a few hours ago you showed me with all certainty
that this isn’t just about
the preference you have for my body
the reverence you have for my mind
the relevance you find in my soul’s kindness

you
like
ME

this she that i am
i am slowly realizing
is an ideal to you.
so maybe

instead of running from this feeling
i should patiently,
as you said,
stand my ground….