you sat next to me in the coffee shop with that familiar dc line
” i see you shorty”
wondering what that is Ever supposed to mean i cut my eyes to the side and
then nearly lost them

fixyourface fixyourface fixyourface

hi. said ever so nonchalantly, somehow out of my mouth, almost not sounding like a ball of snot had moved into my chest like on tv in that disgusting commercial which should tell you how bad i felt if i’m willing to make you relive that just so you can relate to me.

and he said

your hello sounds like a lie.

and i said

why

and he said

because it’s trying to make me believe you would never say goodbye

he was so MotherFucking Fine

that i still can’t decide if that’s a horrible line.
i laughed in a far more muffled way than i would if the threat of a stuffed nose wouldnt put moments into unromantic mode

then i proceeded to hack as if my lungs had an emergency that could only be solved by exiting via my throat.

soft tender hot in whispers

breathe.

is what he poured into my ear with an intimate arm thrown around

you’d think i’d be wondering about living again. instead i wondered if he a coupled man who was a flirty type, a singleton who didn’t play for my team, or some kind of apparition.

And maybe i was really in the hospital already dying and God just thought that this was the nicest way to send me an angel to break the news.

once my body began to believe in inhalation, we both stood from the hunched over choking position. am i alright? yes. slowly and with a linger he disengaged from me, turning, smiling, to walk away from me. slight wave, a bow (!) and

see you next week.

wanted to speak.
wanted
to tell him that i didn’t come there as often as he
wanted to say anything to make him turn back towards me

but the moment was beautiful. i was clearly the oldest woman in the store. he, while hot, was my age. he’d just about climbed over girls fifty pounds below my weight class to say hello. i felt Good and imagined that i still had It.

couldn’t bear to spoil the moment with the idea that we’d never speak again.

i smiled all the way home. that night when emptying my pockets i found

i love Afrikan women. i can’t help myself. will you please meet me at tomorrow for an early dinner?

i should decline just because he’d assumed i’d be free. but there’s no stopping a girl when she’s this wide open…