…drink in my skin
…breathe out my soul

under skin
desire

crackles though hot blood
like popping corn.

lustful intentions
are postphoned

for one smooth sweet second
to celebrate the stillness
of thie private moment.

a minute before,
boiling passion was
sprinkled with laughter.

as it will be again,
in the minute after

and so between
i pause
and linger
in the delicious sensation
of holding you.

with yr strokes up
and my strokes down
until the air is

heavy

smells like

sweating
separate
sex

but feels like

one flesh
braided by eternity

keep threading
my needle
with yr thick string
cure my insanity
with the pleasure you bring

and i’ll unstich yr
velvet cries
with my thighs

and unravel
the satiny smoothness
in yr eyes
with my grinds

until hair sweats
and knees quake

and even

brief

separation

makes our bodies ache
when lips

forget talk

and legs
will not walk

… then i’ll ask you again …

where do you end
and i begin

mingling of spirit
nothing like sin….

who

will make the 1st move?

lean forward
lean back
lean forward
lean back
hearts beat
neck to neck
as one face decides to bridge the gap..
the other wants to call the bluff
with hestitating mouth
and instead is taken
as a prisioner of love’s sensual battle….

Checkmate.

I just examine my manicure as if no one is speaking to me.

“You took an oath. I cant tell you what you want to hear.

“And no matter what you do, it won’t work. It can’t work. Because I will never — NEVER — tell you what you want to hear. Not ever.”

Blah blah blah. I can’t wait until this is finally over so I won’t have to hear this horribly annoying refrain.

Still saying nothing.

“So, uh, why don’t we work this thing out? There has to be something else you want just as much.

“A new car?

“Or how would you like to be a millionaire?”

Hm. Really. An even mill? I don’t know how I want to play this but-

“Oh, I see that made your eyes light up.

“I really can make that happen.

“I know you don’t think I can but you don’t know as much about me as you think. In fact, you can hold me here until you really have it, and then leave the country. ”

“We’re near the border - just knock me out. I wouldn’t wake up until you’d crossed it, and by then you’d have the money. In cash.

“Your eyes are betraying you. Come on.” Aaaaand the idiotic smile again. I wonder how hard it is to smile through that kind of agony?

“You know you want to work this out. Listen, no one has to know that you’ve kidnapped me.”

I look into the eyes of my lover. Really look. Search for the person I know is in there.

All I get a hard, blank stare. Have you ever known the person you’re trying to have a conversation with just isn’t in there?

And you know what that means. That means it’s almost time for me to get what I’ve always wanted. I lean forward, eye level with my captive. I smile so the words I am about to say will be the sweetest, deepest torture.

“Can you really make that happen?”

“I promise you I can. If not, I expect to die, and frankly, if I’m going to die I want to get the shit over with.” The eyes.

So eager.

How delicious.

I have to milk this. I clear my throat.

Leaning forward to hang on my every word? Stupid reaction. That betrays an expectant, attentiveness.

Oh yes, that’s your new name. The Fool.

“Well, guess what?” I reach down and trail my finger across the duct tape that was binding The Fool to the chair.

“What?” So says The Fool, smiling widely.

“The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And they are even more acute when the person you’re mourning is yourself.”

I could have an orgasm at the sound of these beautiful, abandoned sobs.

Yes. This is what I want.

That’s the start of the novel I decided to write five minutes ago. Don’t know if it’s the new beginning to a novel called “vengeance - a tale of half-crazed woman scorned” that I’ve already started, or a whole new novel. Thoughts?

(And no, it’s not a person with multiple personality disorder. It’s two people - the italics are to differentiate between narration and thought. I may just change perspective to third person to make it more clear.)

If you’re digging it, I’ll keep on writing it online all month.

The Line When We Went to Vote on Happy Obama Day!

I’m sitting here deciding whether to take my Zanaflex. I only have five left. I can’t afford to see the doctor until at least next week, so since I’m out of refills, I can take one now that I’m in moderate pain, and be able to sleep quickly, though probably only for three hours.

Or I can save it and take it with my last Celebrex, another not cheap medicine that I must take, right now. If I don’t, I can’t keep writing this, because I’ll have to lie down to get long term relief.

This is the cycle of my life, deciding whether or not to take the medication I need to be on until I can get the (also expensive) treatment that actually relieves my pain for days at a time. I don’t have health insurance. Not because I’m broke, but because, I have what they call a “pre-existing condition”.

I’m not covered for my old problems under new health insurance. Neat trick isn’t it? I’m not allowed to pay for something that was created to help me. Lull yourself to sleep with that one for a week.

On the other hand, don’t feel too bad for me. Though I am retired it was from a relatively good business. And it’s in an area I can lean on to launch me into my future. But let me ask you this - if you ever got to the point where you were making $10k or 20k a month, wouldn’t you like to spend, maybe $3k of it on yourself and your bills outside of health care.

The times that I have been that blessed, I’ve had to ramp up my physical therapy visits to be able to be healthy enough to continue to work or spend most of it on medication just to be able to work. And since this is rarely in a stable situation, if I get sick anyway, that’s even more money. Which then slows down my work. Which usually means at the end of the project I’m worn out and have to take weeks, if not months, off.

So why am I telling you about my health issues.

Because when I was standing in that line in the picture at the top of the page…

As much as pain was coursing through every limb of my body and my lower back felt like it was on fire….

Despite the fact that it would be another fifteen minutes before we could aspire to be as close to the building as those dots you may recognize as people….

I felt not just hope, but faith.

I knew, I KNEW that if the man I was going cast my ballot for got elected, his plan was to provide health care, and make the “pre-existing condition” policy illegal. I’ve been to Barack Obama’s site and I have a blog there. I’ve read his plan, but last night I read it again.

And I was moved.

To tears.

By a health plan.

That’s why I voted for him. Because his doable, realistic plans and goals for America may bring this country together. It might just make it so that the climate that created the need to bar pre-existing conditions from coverage doesn’t exist.

This pill is kicking in, so just some quick thank yous.

I want to thank all my Republican friends who are humbly accepting the concession of their party leader with such grace, and are ready to at least wait and see if the Democratic party is as serious as President Obama has shown that he is.

I want to thank all my Democratc firiends for being kind to people who were aligned with the party that lost.

And thank you all US citizens, whatever your political affiliation, for voting.

And thank you friends around the world for your calls, emails and tweets of congrats.

Happy Obama day!

Come on. Seriously.

photo credit: TheTruthAbout…

I’m telling you now. You will SWEAR that they are sprinkling crack on their food, it’s that good. The one drawback to their menu? Pork in their egg rolls.

Which I guess isn’t a drawback if you eat Pork, but I thought Shrimp egg rolls were the standard. I mean, two of the three major religions in the US don’t eat pork, so why is it standard menu fare?

Anyway, if you want take-out, cheap and from nice folks, get it there. They even deliver to East Austin, which no one does. Last night they brought us Chicken with Broccoli instead of Chicken with Garlic sauce, and they came right back out.

Resources:
Austin City Search for Magic Wok
Google Map Search Results for Magic Wok (more results)

Magic Wok Addy:
2716 1/2 Guadalupe St
Austin, TX 78705

Magic Wok Phone:
(512) 474-7770?

Worry is reverse is simply taking the habit of worry and pondering a positive outcome to the problem instead

There’s two types, proactive and reactive. I found that if I learned to do this proactively first, it helps prevent the reactive variety. Reactive worry in reverse is a bit harder, because you must then learn to catch your thought process at that point. Proactive is preventative - you purposely call up your worry and redirect it.

For now, let’s talk about the five step process for learning proactive worry in reverse. Then, next time, I’ll let you know about how to do this reactively.

1. At the beginning or end of your day, find a quiet corner and think of something that you’re worried about. Start small. If you’re doing this along with meditation, I’m no doctor, but I advise doing so afterwards, since you’ll have to recall something negative to get to the positive part.
2. Think about the thing you’re worried about for a minute or so, and really ponder the likelihood that it could turn out as bad as you think it could.
3. Now, think about the best possible way the situation could turn out. Keep thinking “and you know what would be better than that?” until you have the best possible scenario, better than you truly think will happen in reality. I find I’m on the right track if I’m smiling.
4. Keep replaying that potential positive outcome in your head for at least ten minutes. Do whatever helps make it feel more real in your mind. Involve all your senses - say it out loud, visualize it, role play if it involves others.
5. Now, every time you think about this issue, until it is resolved, before you even get to worry, focus on the positive outcome instead.

It was really hard for me to do this at first, because I didn’t want to seem like a weak, idyllic dreamer who couldn’t deal with “reality”.

Then one day I realized that I can’t feel bad enough to make something that could be bad feel better. And, since it normally works out better than I hope, in the meantime I lose all the fun I could have been having in-between now and then.

Does this magically fix every situation that comes up? No. But it makes dealing with life easier and less stressful.

Does this mean I never worry? No. I’m still human after all. Only now, instead of worrying for days, I worry for minutes.

Then I put it in reverse. And gain back the contentment of the present. In the meantime, as I learned from a course by Dr. Robert Anthony, if I have a problem, I deal with it as best as I can in the present, or if I can’t deal with it, I stop worrying about it. Therefore, in the present moment, I really have no problem.

And that’s where I seek to remain. Worrying in reverse helps me do that.

It’s called Worry in Reverse.

Before I explain how to worry in reverse, I want to talk a little bit about worry. We all do it, and I used to be a top offender. It’s amazing how much time we humans seem to waste on an activity that changes nothing but how emotionally tortured we are about life.

Not to mention the possibility that, if our theories about the Law of Attraction are on-target at all, we could actually actively be making things worse by observing them in a negative light.

But Law of Attraction aside, what exactly does worry get us? I used to think, preparation for the worst and elimination of surprises. But never in life has the absolute worst thing I could imagine happened. Even when things went wrong, they didn’t go as badly as I pictured.

Worry just changes our mood. And think about it, even if it’s not true that your mood has bearing on the outcome of events, you’re losing two things whenever you get into a bad mood that could be avoided.

1. The potential joy of the moment.
2. Perspective.

Who wants to give away joy needlessly? Not me. Life is too short. By the time we start to get the hang of things, it’s time to pack up and ascend.

And perspective may not seem like a big deal. But don’t you always make better choices, see things more clearly, and find better opportunities for success when your mood is better?

The fact is, we have complete governance over our thoughts, if we chose to - easier said than done, but it’s still a choice.

Worry is reverse is simply taking the habit of worry and pondering a positive outcome to the problem instead. In the next, shorter article, I’ll go over some easy steps on how to do this.

Both on Friday and on Sunday the last weekend in August, we went to a restaurant called Habana, which is located on 6th Street, in downtown Austin, where all kinds of partying happens. Exact location: 709 6th Street, Austin TX.

The first time we went, I had the Chicken Fricassee, which is an entree featuring Chicken of course, stewed in a tomato sauce. I have to tell you, as an African I have my own recipe of Chicken stewed in a tomato sauce that every last one of the friends I’ve made it for adores.

So when I say it was Delicious, I’m in no way exaggerating. It takes a lot for me to even admit someone else’s stewed chicken was good, not to mention outstanding, so if you want a healthy dish that’s also tasty and different, try that. It was well spiced without being overwhelming.

With the Chicken Fricassee came spanish rice and potatos. The potatos I didn’t expect, but they were still quite delicious. I asked that it be served with a side of Maduros, which is what they call their disk of thickly sliced, ripe fried plantains. This pulled the meal together for me, so I’m quite surprised they don’t actually serve them together.

A side consisted of an entire plantain, from the looks of it, which is quite filling. I had to take most of my food home with me.

Also interesting were their drink selections and the decor. I’ve never been to Cuba, but the inside of the establishment was quite convincing, that’s it in the picture above I’ve lived in a couple of different tropical places and from that standpoint, it gave off the right feel.

This palm tree ceiling fan was also quite charming - though as hot as it was, I wish they’d turn it on!

Palm Tree Fan - Habana's

Again, I’m not some fancy restaurant critic, this is from my own impressions.

The service on Friday afternoon was quite good as well. That’s a bit surprising because that’s one of the busier nights on that side of town.

Sadly, on Sunday that was not the case. I decided to have something different, since I knew I’d be writing about it. Some of my food choices were a mistake. As was, perhaps, the time of day we chose to come by. We got a slightly dizzy waitress who was instrumental in screwing up the experience for us.

To start, we both got drinks and appetizers. I had the absolutely perfect Habanatini. It’s Mango juice and rum basically. If you like Mango juice it’s quite tasty and awesome.

Where we truly went tragically wrong were the “Thinly Sliced Fried Plantain Chips”, which on their menu are called Mariquitas. Especially at the price of $4.25, if you like traditional plantain chips, avoid them at all costs. They were not thinly sliced, nor were they at the stage in which you make plantains into chips. They weren’t cooked all the way through, and tasted like bad banana chips.

If you like plantain chips, you’re better off buying the ones in the green bag from the Latin American or African store. You know the ones I mean.

And I hate banana chips.

I’ll spare you the rest of the sad issues, as I am pretty sure I didn’t like the rest of the meal because I was trying something new that I didn’t like. It seems like it was a perfectly prepared something that I didn’t really want.

And yet.

The experience and ambiance of the restaurant made up for even our silly minded waitress. Enough so that I’m willing to try Havana again…

When you folks come to visit me during SXSW, we’ll have all sorts of fun eatery hopping at the places in this category.

photo credit: me-2007

Want a free link? It may not bring you much Google juice yet, but it would be a DoFollow link and without publicizing this blog I’m getting about 40 visitors a day.

And eventually I’ll get around to telling folks about it.

I’m gonna give out blog links to the top 25 non-spammers who leave comments this month. Not just on this site, on ALL my blogs.

Aren’t you glad you read this? And… commented? Hint, hint.