yet

climaxing into your observant gaze
seems a fair trade
to feel the flame of your tongue
licking my body clean of desire for anyone else but you.

how did i get here?
how did you happen to me?
i’m supposed to feel like i’m not free
but being with you for some reason

is not smothering
you hold me tight but your grip doesn’t break or crush my air

and i love that you’re with me
but i do remember that at some point
i did swear
promised myself i was only near you to feel the warmth of your flame
not to be consumed by it
took my oath on not falling like this
on not liking anyone enough to miss
on not being kissed…
on not looking into your soul
on not losing control

with the frustration of a passion unleashed
for almost a week
i have to admit…
i actually like the effect you have on me…

maybe…
even love…

I feel like….
Beauty, if she were a Goddess.
Song, if she were an apparition
Like some lyric laced over the hottest dance track
And I have to tell you it’s taking me back to indecision
My former resolve to not fall for you is slowly slippin
Man I’m trippin

And as I remember you breathing insanity back into me
Full on resuscitation of my soul
Mouth to–

well.

Lips.

See? You’re making my brakes slip
I really am trying to have fun
And let these moments live
And let whatever naturally unfolds between us
In its own sweet time unwind..

But you’re making me weak
My former resolve needs re-tweaking
Or maybe I just have to stop speaking to you and run away

Because the funny thing is?
It’s nothing you do to my body.
— Don’t get me twisted, if your fingers were the military I’d be enlisted.

What I mean is…

You remind me of how beautiful I am
Of all the things I have done and can do still
In a way that I don’t forget after you’re gone
Or even if you never came back

And

The way you touch me when we’re supposed to be asleep
The kisses you affix betwixt the bliss of moments play, making my heart beat miss steadiness
The readiness you maintain to rescue my mood from even a moment’s pain

You listen and remember
So un-hesitantly tender
So…

I could go on forever
About the way you make me feel
Even as I’m looking at that word, afraid, unsure if you’re for real

Despite what you say

To be honest with myself
I still find my soul in chains
Yes I’m slowly letting go but
Until you tell me you’re mine
I’m going to enjoy you and this high
Biding my time

And if it’s never to be
If it remains a fantasy
I’ll never
ever
forget how

you made me into poetry

you are my Beloved
my dearly beloved
the only essence enough
to fill the immeasureable expanse of my heart
which only opens to occurrences of your opulent adoration.

and i am beyond love
so i make up words and say I
Belove
you.

and what is it to Belove?

when i scribe memories of moments on the back of time,
when i invert rhyme to realize the poetic bliss of you and our union
when i exist on top of a minute of blue surreality, under the infinity of your eyes.

this is Belove.

when i burn in my yearning for the turning of churning a discerning tactile treaure between my lips locked on top of the soaring mist of sunrise’s kiss within you,
when i sit upon my fleshed throne with a supple smooth as silver sword sheathed in sublime suck-tion of scintillating sensual support,
when i taste temptation of a tongue which once turned trumpets into tunes and now turns tunes into torrents of tanka-like treats that tumble into trains of ‘Trane,
when i drink down the dearest of my delicious dreams which dance delighted out of my favorite pinnacles door,
when i stir cycles of commitment in circles completing cylindrical seas seeking the circumference of coming to your call to cum for you,
when i triangulate your want and become congurent to your desire, perpendicular to the spot you want blessed, laying diagonally from the best thing that ever happened to me,
when i surround your pain and subject it to sonnets of songs wrapped in love and dipped in tomorrow, simmering a healing touch, writing words directly to the heart that is parallel to my own, hoping i can soothe within as i stand on the perimeter of your spirit, the radius of us,

that is Belove.

and since this is that and all that is also this, i guess that’s that, at least that’s what Deepak said.
but let me break it down some more.

we are
Beyond Love
we are
Souls Mating
In Unconventional Ways
Our Love Affair
is one where
we cannot measure our mutual pleasure
in seconds, eons or days.

so until they come up with a better way
to say forever
i will find or make up words to convey
This One Thought
that sets my spirit to melody….
I Will Love You Always.

So greedily do I gulp down memories of your sweetest flesh, hot against my mouth.

Playing my tongue against a recollection of your lips, I slow down to a sip, not wanting the drink of that image to ever fade. Because I remember, yesterday, the wave of euphoria, back to that first day you kissed me.

Pondering the lifetime and wanderings between now and then, it feels like I’m in a fairy tale, one of those where the protagonist follows fortune with a young expectant heart, constantly blessed with abundance, even a child, but not a lasting love. And he returns home, one day, hunts down the sweetheart who was there before the fame, and returns for her, sweeping her off her ground onto a cloud departing for the paradise only two twinned hearts can create.

That look in your eye then. I knew you were leaving and that I adored you but wasn’t ready for you to stay. How lost I was after your departure, not realizing you were the missing piece. Amazed at your nature to just treat people so humanely. Acutely aware of the extra you endow me with.

Which somehow whirls me back to when we reacquainted, just a few heartbeats ago. Hearing your voice filled with excitement upon seeing me before I knew you were there. Returning to you and being enveloped in … strength. safety. warmth. affection. Like a huge blanket of sweet fond feelings.

I could feel more from that hug that in some of the more lavish verbal expressions of love I’ve been offered.

Pulling away from you in surprise and experiencing delight at that approving, devouring look of yours that I remember. Then hearing you verbalizing it on top of my own glowing review of you.

Suddenly it was as if something electrical had reconnected, something so subtle I didn’t know it was gone until it was back. Powerful, but subtle, like beautiful music playing at a background level.

There is much of you that is unexpected. I thought I would find someone who was not nostalgic, missing me, finding me again, a pointed search for who I was, the me I still am. I prepared myself for a different type of approach to affection than I’d prefer.

Wrong again. From the easy way we fell immediately into holding each other, to hugs upon request and walking hand in hand so easily and comfortably, I could imagine how a less worthy woman would complain, as your ex had, that you were too affectionate with her. Whereas I believe there is no such thing. That an abundance of physical affection can compensate for so many other shortcomings.

And I know you have them somewhere, shortcomings. I have yet to make their acquaintance and memory does not serve me well there. I imagine that yours are many minor, rather than one large unmanageable.

None of which were shown in this first time you kissed me. Like some merciless attack against every logical counter I could imagine. An eraser of all doubt.

Bringing me to here. To a trust I once thought impossible. To a budding in me I thought I had buried again. Back here again. Staring up in your eyes, believing.

Faith in the entwined portion of our destiny.

And.

I, again, am yours, for that moment. We’ll see what happens next…

well i admit…
i was half the degree of that yesterday
i fell into lamentation over the lack of capacity to touch you
it does hurt me at times though i dont say so in my rhymes…
but this way, i learned yesterday,
is more of how i need you
any two can touch
but i dont want us to ever just….

well you know the word
dont want to taint my ode to your turnabout of me
with curse words
lets just for now say erupt…
but back to you and me …

i need you more in this way is what i was saying
before i robbed lines from you
as i do sometimes because you know more of what i want to say

when we touch… i want us to play

i want the sun to shine in jealousy
over the light i pour into you with parted lips

i want the moon to brighten in envy
at the perfect braid of our two bodies in bliss
i want the stars to blink morse code of SOS
at the urgency of our stroke
i want the very sky to look away
from the passion
when we sit chest to chest
naked heart to naked heart
and invoke
creation
to look upon us and marvel…

i want a new word manifested to describe
what we do to each other as lovers…

but all of those are wants…
what i need from you is what you already give me
and i learned that from my reflection
as i turned full circle…

here.
participate in this reawakened splendor
of an us
thrusting
trusting?
yes

because once you have taken
when i have been made into the mirror of your heart’s desire
by the smoke that spirals from the junction of our entwine

i am yours
i am reborn
i am immediate

take you
from me
into us…

to me all your wide emptiness
that place in you that winds into yourself
looking for hope

my tongue can reach it if you
give
to me all the beauty in your pen
splayed on enraged paper
rained underneath your skin
bubblin
troubling your waters within

and that’s
what i want you to
give
in my mouth
let me drink your truth

in the morning
i will birth you a new haven
my arms
my heart
my hands
with your cheek in my lap
stroking your head

either one

in any case,
massaging away your worries.
always
anytime.
i want to receive you, and,
i will
i promise

give back.

how i dream of you
how i dream of delivering you into my drifting dedication.
how i dream of deepening my drive towards a destiny

where you shine as a single star in a private sky
and i can’t understand
why
why
why

dear delano…

doubtlessly you’ve seduced me
doubly
once drawing with your words and verbs
twice dazed with your deliverance of distracting dances

dare i drink down these decadant ideas?
where you split my dimunitive thoughts of love into
factions that war which each other
all demanding undivided attention
to twin with my detailed fantasies
and give birth to legions of desire?
dare i

dear delano?

how i desire you
how i desire to please you
how i desire to endlessly caress every corner of your soul

why dont you know
the extent to which you unravel my royal mask
exposing my heart’s virginity?
and i just want to bring you into my present tense
and i stay up nights riddling….
how
how
how

dear delano?

and when will our spirits tango in step to the universal tune
of pore creating friction enough to make perspiration bead
into a slightly salty spice to tease the palate
for the subsequent bodily emanations
which twitch betwixt
the feast of twinned tongues flipped similiarly on necks ears backs shoulders legs ankles fingers elbows

i only await
being dear to you
before i proceed,

dear
delano…

I’ve been done with him long enough to know that I want the taste of you in my mouth like fresh honey. I can see your eyes every time I close mine. Falling under your spell

too
too
too

soon after this disengagement. Because I just don’t want you to be a rebound lover. I want to reach for you, apple of my high, sink my teeth into the delicious note of your apparition, still living in me. And I know I can’t have you, is the problem. I know it in every one of the molecules that collides within my body as they each scream your name.

I’ve not the faintest clue how to get you out of my system. Explain to me what makes someone sit around and read old correspondence over and over, smelling pages, draping paper across my arm as if I can squeeze your touch out of ink.

I can’t be like this. I absolutely cannot be like this. I cannot be brought to tears remembering the heat of your voice in my ear. Reason, sanity, unclouded straight-thinking – these are the things I ought to be clinging to, ought to be playing songs about and singing out loud. Songs like Slowly, Surely, I walk away from

but. Little “b” but. I can’t walk away from you, run, think, speak.

My first mistake was becoming friends. The first time you re-inhaled my voice I could hear the caution in yours. Like I’d be like danger to touch. Like our smoke meant fire. Like you knew better than to sip my poison.

And it would, is, does. That was the moment I swallowed any doubt that leaving him was right. And I didn’t know you were leaving her.

Yet from the first electric feather of your apprehension, I was back there again, back on my back drinking every word you ever said, letting you destroy me, recreated with your softly uttered syllables, whispering me into frenetic spasms that bordered on pain with their intensity.

How is it that I’m writing you again, writing poetry? – I can only write poetically, write poetry when I’m in love, with an idea, with a song with a

shit.

It is expressly forbidden to love you. I can’t even handle the idea that our skin might brush past each other in coming months. Or that our vocal vulnerability would waft in neighboring air. We can’t meet, ever again. Right now I’m losing control of myself, right now, thousands and thousands of miles split from you my heart wails a pattern in your chest, begging for release.

We must not be lovers. Both our worlds would cease in that shower of delight. And as the ebbing embers of each echoed eternity eventually eclipsed every elevation, all of the stars finger-painting in the sky would point at us

ending the world
ending the world
ending the world.

with yr strokes up
and my strokes down
until the air is

heavy

smells like

sweating
separate
sex

but feels like

one flesh
braided by eternity

keep threading
my needle
with yr thick string
cure my insanity
with the pleasure you bring

and i’ll unstich yr
velvet cries
with my thighs

and unravel
the satiny smoothness
in yr eyes
with my grinds

until hair sweats
and knees quake

and even

brief

separation

makes our bodies ache
when lips

forget talk

and legs
will not walk

… then i’ll ask you again …

where do you end
and i begin

mingling of spirit
nothing like sin….